Bobby vs Pat Sajak
by Mice
Summary: Bobby Drake is determined to be on the Wheel of Fortune with the help of Hank McCoy. Dating back to 1995, it is one of the first Hank/Bobby buddy stories in fan fiction.


_Few things are tried and true normal in a mansion located in Westchester. For one mutant, it happens at seven thirty p.m. on his t.v. every weekday. That mutant is Robert Drake. And that t.v. program? ___

**_"Wheel! Of! FORTUNE!" _****__**

****

**Bobby vs. Pat Sajak ******

**_by _****_Mice _****__**

****

Bobby began to sway in tune with the theme music while at the same time studying the contestants. "I could beat her ... cream him ... she looks wily, but, yeah, I could beat her..." 

Hank McCoy poked his head into the rec room where his best friend was seated. "Bobby, I--" 

"Sh, Hank!" 

Hank rolled his eyes. "Not _Wheel of Fortune _, Bobby ... we talked about this..." 

Bobby looked at Hank sharply. "Hank, I have few gifts in life. I can do the Jumble, I can program a VCR, and I am a natural at _Wheel of Fortune _." 

"What about that thing about you being a mutant with the ability to manipulate ice?" 

"It's in there somewhere," Bobby said quickly. "The point is, Hank ... I love this show. I'm good at this game. I just wish..." 

"What is it, Bobby?" Hank urged. 

Bobby looked sheepishly down at the floor. "Iwannaspinthewheel." 

"You 'want to spin the wheel'? Is that what you said?" 

Bobby nodded. "I just know if I could get on this show, I could kick some major ass!" Bobby sighed. "It's stupid, I know..." 

Hank shook his head. "No, Bobby. Remember, I have that fond dream of being on _Win Ben Stein's Money _..." 

Bobby grinned. "And then there's Jubilee..." 

Hank raised a furry eyebrow. "What about our little sparkler?" 

"She wants to go on _Millionaire _and have you as a life line." 

Hank laughed. Indeed, he could see Jubilee cavorting with Regis, but also using all of her lifelines within the first four questions. 

"But, Hank ... my point is, no one would use me as a life line." 

Hank frowned. "Bobby ... if I ever had a question about _National Geographic _and was stumped, I'd call you." 

"But I don't read _National Geographic _." 

"You used to. I know, remember when I visited you when you were with your father and I saw your old room? It was filled with them." 

Bobby blushed. "Uh, Hank ... I never read them." 

Hank grew perplexed. "But, Bobby, I saw them! They were there and they had the naked pygmies on -- oh." Hank blushed. "My mistake." 

**Two Weeks Later... ******

Hank raced down to retrieve the mail. "Please let it be here ... yes! Excellent!" Hank went into the kitchen looking for Bobby and found him eating blueberry waffles. "Bobby, exciting news!" 

"Better than waffles?" 

"Most!" 

Bobby squinted. "I don't know, Hank ... waffles are pretty darn exciting..." 

"Bobby, this came for you from _Wheel of Fortune _." 

Bobby's eyes grew wide. "THE _Wheel of Fortune _?! The one with the wheel where you can get a fortune?!" 

Hank nodded. "The very one. I was talking to some of the Avengers, and they said that the Wheel is coming to New York and is pairing up contestants with super-heroes. I figured you'd be a shoe in." 

Bobby raced over and gave his best friend a hug. "Hank ... I don't know what to say...!" 

"Just open up the letter and tell me if we got in or not!" 

Bobby grinned maniacally as he opened the letter. "Okay, here it is ... 'Dear Iceman ... we are sorry to inform you that we have chosen someone a bit more super to be on our Super Hero Action Week...'" Bobby sighed as he read silently. 

Hank put a paw on Bobby's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Bobby ... I thought this would be a sure thing." 

Bobby nodded. "It'll be a sure thing, Hank. I'm going on that show." 

"But, Bobby, the letter--" 

"Hank," Bobby said quietly before raising his fist towards the heavens, "As GAWD as mah witness, Ah SHALL spin the WHEEL!" 

**Three days later at the studio... ******

"Bobby ... why are you doing this to yourself? You'll never get on!" 

"Never say never, Hank. I know that I can get on ... just trust me." 

Hank rested his head into his hands and rubbed his eyes. Since his friend had gotten the rejection letter, Bobby had seemed to have some sort of vendetta. Even the shake in Bobby's hips when he swayed them to the theme song had a taste of bitter vengeance in them. 

Bobby turned to his friend and gave him the thumbs up as he approached Hercules. "Hey, Herc, old buddy!" 

Hercules smiled. "If thine eyes doust deceive -- ooh, a Pikachu!" Hercules followed the Pikachu trading card with lust in his eyes. Bobby led him to a closet that was full of Pokemon related articles which this god was enamored with. 

Bobby didn't even have to lock the door as he closed it. 

"Phase one complete." 

Hank shook his head. "Bobby, you got rid of one of the super-heroes, granted, but what makes you think that they will let you on?" 

Bobby smiled as he began to walk away. "Just trust me, Hank." 

Hank stood slack jawed. "'Trust me, Hank'? Last time he told me that, I looked like Rogue's furrier, bluer twin." 

Bobby looked around to make sure no one was looking and iced up. 

A panicked director walked by. "Have you seen Hercules?" 

Bobby shook his head. 

"Well, then, we're short a super hero and we are on in three minutes! Oh -- hey, wait ... aren't you--?" 

Bobby grinned. "That's me." 

The director's eyes widened in amazement. "I can't believe it ... I didn't even think you watched our little show!" 

"Are you kidding? It's my favorite!" 

"Really? Wow ... well, take your spot. You're with Rachel Fisher there on the right. Places!" 

Hank settled into one of the seats and was getting ready to save one for Bobby when he spotted him. By the wheel. 

"I cannot believe this..." 

The lights went dark in the audience booth and the theme music was cued. The announcer began to introduce each contestant and super-hero. First there was She-Hulk and a red neck named Johnny who kept asking if he could pick off Òthem pair of watermelons growinÕ on yer vineÓ. Then there was the Scarlet Witch who was with some girl named Kitty who accidentally got her hair caught on the wheel already. 

Then it was Bobby's turn. Bobby was aptly using his close up by doing his _Wheel of Fortune _dance. 

"From Tajunga, California, we have Rachel Fisher, and her super hero sidekick is the Silver Surfer!" 

*

"Angelo, did you get Drake's heart breaking on national t.v. on tape?" 

"Yes, Jubilee." 

"**Excellent **." 

*

"All right, Silver Surfer -- can I just call you SS?" 

Bobby replied through gritted, frozen teeth. "Why, sure, Pat." 

"Well, SS, spin the wheel!" Bobby began to thaw out as he place a hand on the wheel. "Wow ... the WHEEL..." Bobby looked up at the audience and saw Hank and waved. "Hank, I'm going to do it! I'm going to spin the wheel!!" Bobby grinned maniacally as the wheel went round and round. 

"$250, SS." 

Bobby looked up at the board. "I'll take ... an L." 

"There are two L's." Bobby nodded knowingly. "I'll spin again." 

"$5,000!" 

"I'll take a ... an N." 

"There are five N's!" 

"Turn those letters, baby!" 

*

"Jubes, got the sound of Hank making an ass out of himself on national t.v.?" 

"Yes, Angelo." 

"**Excellent **." 

*

"Pat..." 

"Yes, Johnny?" 

"Ah gotta question." 

"Yes, Johnny." 

"Can Ah stop the wheel with mah hands when Ah see sumthin' like the Free Spin or the Dinette Set?" 

"For the last time, Johnny, NO!" 

"But--" 

"NO!" 

"Okay, geeze, justa question, Pat..." 

"And at the end of round four, we have Johnny, whose hand is bleeding over the wheel, with a total of $500." 

"Ah just had to have that ladies watch, Pat!" 

"And in the middle we have Kitty, who has much shorter hair than when she first came on, with a total of $300." 

She-Hulk and the Scarlet Witch bowed their heads in shame. 

"And Rachel, who was paired with the Silver Surfer, has a total of ... can that be right? $26,750! Wow, SS, what is your secret?" 

"I'm single, Pat." 

Pat laughed. "Now, on to the bonus round. Rachel, you can either play the round yourself or let SS do it." 

Rachel thought long and hard before saying, "I'll do it, Pat." 

Bobby smiled weakly. _Well, _he said to himself, _I didn't make it to the bonus round, but I got to spin the wheel, solve the puzzle, mock Vanna ... it's everything I could have dreamed. And at least Rachel seems pretty smart. Maybe she can win it... ___

"Okay, Rachel, pick which letter you want, we have W, H, E, E, L--" "Hey!" Rachel exclaimed. 

"That spells 'Wheel'!" 

Bobby made the sign of the cross. 

"I pick 'H'!" 

"Very well, then. The subject is Thing. The letters R S T L N and E have been given to you, Vanna's turning them as we speak." 

**{The Board: [_ _ E _ _ N] } ******

"Ooh, not much. Choose your letters, Rachel." 

"Okay...C, D, H, and O." 

**{The Board: [_ C E _ _ N] } ******

"I hope that will be enough as we start the timer..." 

Bobby bit his lip. 

Rachel stared hard at the board, biting her lip. "I ... oh man ... oh! Ocean!" 

The timer buzzed. "No, remember, you chose O, and there are no OÕs. Vanna, turn the letters ... the answer was Iceman." 

Bobby pinched himself. "What was that, Pat?" 

"Iceman. A fellow super hero who, we hear, is a huge fan of the show. This is a public announcement to let him know that he is welcome on the show. Apparently, there was a mix up and we declined him -- a HUGE mix up. So, Iceman, if you're out there, come to the studio tomorrow where you can see if you're better than the Silver Surfer -- are you up to that SS?" 

*

"Angelo, Jubilee, did you tape Robert being a total idiot on national t.v.?" 

"Yes, Ms. Frost." 

"**Excellent **."


End file.
